tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848352874270072541.post1125078592400262420..comments2018-02-25T18:55:12.624-08:00Comments on Whisper on the Wind: W.i.t.c.h. The Full Story: Prologuelorien13http://www.blogger.com/profile/07064596129198837366noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848352874270072541.post-7089952714549966582013-07-27T17:43:17.551-07:002013-07-27T17:43:17.551-07:00Fanfiction is good practice, I admit. I totally ne...Fanfiction is good practice, I admit. I totally needed it. If I hadn’t done fanfiction first, I wouldn’t be anywhere near this good. I’d still be as bad as when I wrote Harper of My Heart. Ugh…that was just…bad. BAD! But disturbingly popular.<br /><br />I love Once Upon a Time. I actually mention in my bio that my fic is the top-reviewed fic in the fandom in the world. It’s so popular. It makes me happy. =) I’m very glad you love it so much. I will try to have chapter 96 (and maybe 97) for you by next week.<br /><br />I’m glad you don’t hate fanfiction anymore. =) Because I adore fanfiction. It’s a great way to learn new tricks and stuff from different authors. Like with “Darkness,” I learned a couple tricks from Alydia Rackham, a fanfic author I love very much. Not as much as you, but I love her.<br /><br />Does this mean you will read my James Bond fic (if I ever write it)? I can do anything, you know. *nods* Even make Loki somewhat sympathetic. So…?<br /><br />“…which is based on a french comic by the same name by Elisabette Gnone.”<br />French should be capitalized. =)<br /><br />Yeah, they would TOTALLY torture Caleb. Or do something else, like lock him in a tiny box with no light and starve him or something (like Loki in “Darkness”).<br /><br />And here we go with the prologue! WOOHOO! I’m SO EXCITED! SO EXCITED!!! You have NO IDEA!! I’ve been wondering if this would ever come back for years! EEEEEK!!!!<br /><br />“In the beginning was Darkness.”<br />First of all, kudos for capitalizing the word “Darkness.” Gives it a heavy sense of foreboding and creepiness. Like, it’s alive almost.<br />It’s alive. It’s ALIVE!<br />*ahem*<br />Also, I like this opening line. I dunno why. I do. It’s awesome. So there! =)<br /><br />Kudos for use of the word “quelled.”<br /><br />Okay, most of this prologue is written in past tense, but then you go into present tense from here (“Men have been gifted with agency…”) to right here (“It was not heard for the world to fall…”). Then you go back to past tense.<br /><br />“If the ruler gives into the Darkness, the world will follow, as their will is the law and way of the land.”<br />I LOVE how this is worded!!! So much that one of my ! turned into @ for a second. LOVE!!<br /><br />“It was not hard for the world to fall, as so it fell.”<br />AND so it fell<br />Still epically worded, though. AWESOME!<br /><br />I love prologues like this. They’re so cool. They always remind me of the beginning of Conan the Barbarian, when Mako is talking about King Conan before the actual events of the film start. So cool. Classically cool.<br /><br />“And the Darkness was spreading, reaching beyond Kandrokar to other worlds, tainting them.”<br />Other worlds? Really!?!? That’s dangerous, that’s scary, that’s bad! RUN AWAY! Oh, wait, no, you have to keep writing. Forget the run away thing. Just you keep writing, dear. =)<br /><br />“Desperate, the girls used all but the smallest portion of their power and sealed off Kandrokar behind the great veil.”<br />I would capitalize it, and make it “the Great Veil.”<br /><br />“Only a seal given to the one member of the royal family not lost to the darkness, the youngest prince, could open portals in the veil…”<br />You’ve capitalized “darkness” every other time, so make this “not lost to the Darkness…”<br />And if you choose to capitalize “the Great Veil,” you should capitalize “veil” here, too.<br /><br />“His name is Phobos, and he has remained locked within the veil.”<br />BEHIND the veil<br /><br />“Until now.”<br />O.O<br />Dun-dun-DUNN!!!<br /><br />Wait…the end. GAH!! Shoot me! Kill me! Strangle me! Help me! I’m dying! DYING! Save me! More…wait. Chapter 1! Excitement!<br /><br /><3LA Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09724835436416212038noreply@blogger.com