tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848352874270072541.post2463183260725841551..comments2018-02-25T18:55:12.624-08:00Comments on Whisper on the Wind: Warrior: Prologue 2 - Thirteen Years Laterlorien13http://www.blogger.com/profile/07064596129198837366noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848352874270072541.post-90569697368828732172012-01-27T16:59:54.495-08:002012-01-27T16:59:54.495-08:00OK, so here is the review. I like it. Very well wr...OK, so here is the review. I like it. Very well written. I found some typos though, which you already know. Here they are. Let me know is some are supposed to be like that or not. I put ( ) around the typos. Also --- is my suggestions. :3<br /><br />As Mrs. Casey explained Kana’s situation, the redhead noticed two girls were being escorted deeper into the building by (a burly security guard who I them as if they were demons about to attack him)<br /> ---It says by a burly security guard who I them, it should probably be eyed or somethign else.<br /><br /><br /><br />Everything is been taking care of," Mrs. Casey assured her. "So you just listen to what Ms. Ianuzi and the other teachers and headmasters say, and then (maybe I’ll get to go home–")<br />---It shouldnt be I'll get to go home, should be you'll, because Mrs. Casey is addressing Kana.<br /><br /><br />"Well, I’ve no doubt you’ll do the best you can," (Officer Ramirez said, is cheerful smile back.) "You’re in good hands here, Sarien."<br />--- Officer Ramirez said, (is cheerful smile back.) It sounds odd. He smiled cheerfully back or something else would be better.<br /><br /><br />Now you will go sit over there," (she said, pointing to an empty sitting area nearest stand of trophies,) "in silence until a student comes by to assist you with getting your things together. Is that clear, Sarien?"<br />---she said, pointing to an empty sitting area (nearest stand of trophies,) Should be near a stand.<br /><br /><br />Then the girl headed (over to work on a sat and held out her hand.)<br />--- At the end of the paragraph where the fire hair supermodel (lol) comines it. The sentance sounds off.<br /><br /><br />She thought, trying to swallow the bile that leapt into her mouth. (But what really made her sick with how…happy Irene was.) There was…wicked gleam in her eyes, and her smile was genuine, as if others pain made her giddy with delig<br />--- with should probably be was<br /><br /><br />("I’m an Gold,") she explained as Kana stepped up beside her again. "And if you stick with me, Silver will be yours for the taking."<br />--- it should be im a gold, not an. there is no vowel beginning the next word =P<br /><br /><br />"Don’t worry, Jaden," Hard Eyes said calmly. ("Getting which isn’t as bad as it sounds.")<br />-- Not sure what is supposed to be there, but i know you do lol<br /><br /><br />(So how about you in your flunky continue with your tour of this hellhole?")<br />--- How about you and your flunky, not in<br /><br /><br />Then she turned on her heel and left. (Annoying and a little depressed), Kana turned to look at the others.<br />--- Should be annoyd instead of annoying.Steshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05611496050194167900noreply@blogger.com