Thursday, August 8, 2013

W.i.t.c.h. The Full Story: Part I Chapter 3 - Yan Lin

Hey guys!!!

I have great news:

Yes! I also have a new laptop, but it doesn't work very well...I couldn't get it to open ANYTHING when I got up, which was super annoying, but whatevs, it works! I have my files!!!

I'm currently backing up everything, but as you can see, I found time to write some!!! I'll be able to continue my other story as well as Warrior! I got everything I need!!!

Alright, now that you have my awesome update, time to get to my writing!!! Here's the next part, where we see The Heart of Kandrakar!!!

Oh, and I did change Caleb's name back to Kaleb. Since Kandrakar's actually supposed to be spelled Candracar, I'll stick with the K names.
***NOTE: I know the spaceing's jacked up. I can't fix it, the stupid thing is glitching. It happens every once in a while ><***

Chapter 3

Yan Lin - Heatherfield

A resounding crash coming from the kitchen had customers looking up from their meals and Yan Lin clenching her teeth until they ached. That was the fourth time this week. Yan held back her sigh as she watched a glum teenager named Stephen slink out of the kitchen, trying to hide behind his long, shaggy blond hair. He seemed to know his third evening of work at the Silver Dragon would be his last.


Taoyan, that’s the third one this month! The white-haired seventy-four-year-old thought. Are there no good waiters in this city?


Silently cursing, Yan moved toward the kitchen to tell Stephen—


—and suddenly she was looking at a young man a little older than Hay Lin, wearing a waiter’s apron, standing over a thirty year old man with blond hair. A strong aura of anger and impatience emanated from him, cowing the gentleman asking about his order. He glanced through his shaggy, brown hair cut similarly to Stephen’s, the rage making his olive-green eyes burn.


Yan blinked and suddenly she was looking at nothing, still in the dining room of the restaurant her parents had opened in the 1940s when she was a little girl. The customers made small talk while eating what Stephen hadn’t dropped. Hay Lin, her granddaughter came through the door and greeted Stephen while he continued to clean up his latest mess. The old woman ignored it all, focusing her mind on that very brief vision.

A premonition? I haven’t had one since…Decades. Since my powers were sealed with Cassidy’s death. Tears filled her eyes while a grin of joy spread across her face. They’re here! She realized. They’ve come. The fifth generation is ready!

Without finishing her table’s order, and not a word to Hay Lin, Yan Lin, former guardian of Air shuffled into the private dining room and through a different door that concealed the staircase leading to the family apartment above. As fast as her ancient body would let her, she headed to her bedroom. There, against the wall was an armoire that held her most precious possessions. Her breath caught as she moved some photo albums aside and saw a pink glow coming from the back.

As carefully as she could, she pulled out an old box. It was wooden, painted red with gold embellishments on the edges, which glowed from the light coming from the inside. Yan gently touched the words engraved into the lid.
To bring peace and Light
To those in the Dark
Protect the innocent
Stand as hope and justice
Is the Guardians’ Role

Yan stared at those words. When she was fourteen she’d sworn that very oath. She’d watch a friend die for them, and another break them. Thousands of times she’d lived up to the trust placed in her, and now—
Now, she thought, it is my turn to teach them to another generation. Reverently, she opened the box, and picked up the glowing necklace inside.
Hanging from a silver chain was a glowing, pink sphere with streams of energy moving around inside. Silver encased the bottom and the top, with an incomplete circle connecting them. Where the top broke off, it curled in a swirl. The bottom did the same, but angled in a different direction. It was the heart of Kandrakar, the amplifier of the Guardians’ powers, and it had given Yan Lin her vision.

As she took the gem into her hands she felt its call. Laying down on her bed she murmured, "Show me."

Hay Lin, Yan’s only grandchild, had changed from her uniform into her favorite purple miniskirt and a yellow lace-back shirt, her long, blue-black hair pulled into her favored pigtails. Now she was playing with her hip-length hair while taking the orders of a table that Stephen should’ve been serving. No one could see it, but Yan saw the invisible symbol for air—a sky-blue capital c, whose top came to the center with a dot on the end—hanging from the teenager’s neck. Yan felt a wave of overwhelming joy that her xiao Hay would be a Guardian as well. The old woman watch the air currents flowing about the untrained girl, calming the customers and bringing a bit of fresh air to them. She must’ve had her for some time without knowing it. Hay Lin sneezed, knocking the drinks and menus at a table over. Yan chuckled at Hay Lin’s shocked expression.

The vision changed to another girl the former guardian recognized. The beautiful blonde wearing a coral maxi skirt and white shirt and denim jacket was Cornelia Hale, one of Hay Lin’s good friends. She was at a park, sitting and talking with her best friend Elyon while some boys played soccer. The grass at the edges of the blanket was growing tall, a few dandelions popping up where her long hair fell over the side of the blanket. Cornelia didn’t notice it, nor how the trees seemed to reach for her. It didn’t surprise the old woman that around her neck was the green talisman marked with the dot surrounded by a circle that meant earth. But Yan knew Cornelia’s arrogance and pride, which made her wary.

That one will give me a fight, she thought. And her powers need more control. But that will come in time.

The third girl was just as familiar as Cornelia. She was Irma Lair, another member of Hay Lin’s group of friends. Sassy and tough, Irma had her short brown hair braided into pigtails, showing off the second set of piercings on her ears. Her little brother must’ve tried to pull on one, since Irma was holding him upside down, balancing his weight on her hips while talking on the phone. The Latina seemed immune to her brother’s squirming, shifting around in her salmon Capri’s and olive green tunic. Despite this remarkable feat, there seemed to be no open sign of a particular power. But still, Yan spotted the talisman around her neck in-between the kicking boy’s legs. It was similar to earth’s c, but royal blue, smaller and with the end extending straight out, making it water.

Yan Lin didn’t recognize the last two girls. The first was an African-American girl with dark blue hair that was short, except for one, thick braid in front of her left ear. She continued to pluck at her orange sweater and green cargo pants while out with her family looking at an empty house for sale. While shuffling behind her parents, she sighed next to the fire place, which lit. The girl and her older brother jumped, staring at the flames in surprise. As they raced to join their parents in the next room, Yan saw the blood red, upside down triangle that didn’t connect in the left corner that was the symbol for fire.

Taranee Cook, the heart whispered to her. Her powers were strong, and Yan knew she would need to learn the most precision.

The last one, Yan knew, was the most important. This was the one that the Heart had chosen as its keeper, the leader of the others. Her power was Quintessence, and she alone would be able to wield the Heart. The chosen girl appeared, the pink talisman with the two apostrophes almost forming a circle, the top one with its tail to the left, the bottom’s tail to the right. She was a small red-head, sitting in the Sheffield Institute uniform on her bed, looking lost and defeated. Her brown eyes were dark with memories of pain.

Wilhemina Vandom, the Heart called to Yan. This girl had seen much in her young years, but Yan knew she’d see so much more in the years to come.

The visions faded, and Yan was staring at her bedroom ceiling. She sat up and studied the Heart, which had stopped glowing.

"So," she said aloud, "you’ve chosen these five, eh? I don’t know if they will last in Meridian, but so be it." She gently laid the necklace back in the box and hid it deep beneath clothes and photo albums. "They’ll be tested soon enough."


    I mean, oh, look, a WITCH chapter! Excitement! =D

    That is such a COOL name for a restaurant, the Silver Dragon. And you know,

    kind of fitting, if Yan Lin had power over air like Hay Lin does. That would so be

    neat if they did that on purpose.

    Also, yay for Chinese food!

    "Taoyan?" What does that mean?

    Lemme guess - Shaggy Blond dropped something, didn't he? *sigh*

    HA! A vision! That is neat. And it's of Kaleb! How do I know? Because I have

    read this before. Hmmm, there's something kind of cute about a guy in an apron.

    Don't ask me why, it makes no sense, but it's just so cute and domestic, you


    "...standing over a thirty year old man with blond hair."
    need the dashes

    "...the rage making [Kaleb's] olive-green eyes burn."
    You know, I might be scared to have him as my waiter. Like, I dunno. If I was

    younger, I'd be torn between "ooh, smexy" and "omg this guy's gonna shank me in

    a dark alley after this."

    Oh, wow! That restaurant's been in the family...4 generations. From Hay Lin's

    great-grandparents on down. That's so cool!

    "Hay Lin, her granddaughter came through the door and greeted..."
    Since you have a comma after Haylin, you need a comma after "her


    The FIFTH generation?!
    How many Guardians have there been?

    "Yan Lin, former guardian of Air shuffled into the private dining room..."
    Guardian of Air, not guardian of Air
    comma after "Air"

    Well, okay, not a secret staircase, but when I saw "concealed" and "staircase," my

    brain was like, "OMG! YAY!"

    Also, good job on two things:
    a) describing her surroundings without being boring
    b) reminding us that Yan Lin is a OLD LADY

    "There, against the wall was an armoire that held her most precious possessions."
    I would rewrite as "Against the wall STOOD an armoire..."Kudos for using the

    word "armoire," by the way. =)

    Open it, open it, open it! I wanna see what's inside!
    I mean, I already know - it's that necklace Will wears that turns them into

    Guardians - but still!

    I like the inscription on the inside of the box.

  2. Wow...Yan Lin was only 14 when she became a Guardian...

    You know, I gotta wonder, when does it become okay to make a kid part of

    something heavy and dangerous? Like, it depends on the situation, whether the

    kid's got powers or not or been kept on a shelf all his life or...well, you see what I


    "It was the heart of Kandrakar, the amplifier of the Guardians' powers, and it had

    given Yan Lin her vision."
    Heart of Kandrakar, not heart

    and yeah, it's the Heart of Kandrakar, and it's PRETTY! I love you describe it. I

    want it! Even if the model one I'd have wouldn't glow. It would still be cool to own.

    I wonder if they sell those. Must look...

    I saw the phrase "xioa Hay" and was like, "What?" Then I remembered from Kung

    Fu Panda 2 - "xioa" means "little." =) I know Chinese! Sort of...
    *shifty eyes*

    "The old woman watch the air currents flowing about the untrained girl..."
    1 - I bet that looks REALLY cool, actually
    2 - watchED, past-tense

    "She must've had her for some time without knowing it."
    her POWERS for some time

    omg lol! Poor thing - she knocked over the menus by sneezing.

    "The beautiful blonde wearing a coral maxi skirt and white shirt and denim jacket

    was Cornelia Hale...."
    should maxi skirt be maxi-skirt, since miniskirt is one word?
    "...white shirt UNDER A denim jacket..."
    That's such a beautiful name, Cornelia. And it can be shortened to Lia, too. Guys

    named Cornelius don't have that option...but they can be Neil. I can't believe that

    poor kid in Tithe was called Corny. What was WRONG with his parents?

    Oooh, Cornelia struggles with arrogance and pride. Drawn to the Dark Side, this

    one may be. *thoughtful Yoda pause*
    That is so COOL, though, that the grass is growing better and there are dandelions

    and stuff growing because Cornelia's nearby. Did you add that in? That's so

    COOL! And the dandelions being next to her blond hair against the green grass

    just m
    akes a great mental picture. =)

    OMG Irma's got her brother upside down! AWESOME!
    I mean...bad. Terrible thing to do. Of course, so is yanking on your sister's

    earrings. That's safe, though, right? Holding him upside down?

    Aww...I wish we could see tangible evidence of Irma's powers. I don't know what

    that would be, though. Dashing between raindrops to avoid getting soaked? Yeah,

    I dunno. Although I suppose it's good that you don't show it, actually, because then

    it's not predictable. I mean, we know she's water, but this way readers aren't like,

    "And we're gonna see Irma doing some watery thing." Because then we get there

    and it's like, "Oh, no, she's just being kick-butt with her bratty little brother and

    handling it like a boss, talking on the phone."

    Huh. So Irma, Cornelia, and Hay Lin are all friends at the beginning, but Will and

    Taranee are new to the group. Well, that always give good character dynamics,

    stuff to play with. Great fodder for creativity. =)

  3. OMG I'm close to the I'll probably be done before the pizza's ready.

    Blurgh. Oh well. You have Warrior back, so that will resurface soon-ish, so I

    won't keel over and die of depression...yet. I'll withhold my lamentations and

    swooning if at all possible, lol. Where's my fainting couch? Just in case...

    You know, we were talking about how the entire cast of Percy Jackson the books

    are all Caucasian, and I just realized...while Elyon and her family are blond, and

    Cornelia and Will are Caucasian, everyone else isn't. Well, Kaleb sort of is...but he

    seems a bit darker than Will and Cornelia. Anywho, everyone else is a mish-mash.

    Yan Lin and Hay Lin are Chinese (obvious), and Irma's Hispanic, Taranee's black.

    Maybe it's because this comes from Europe. I dunno. Anyway, it's nice. That was

    my rambly, rambly point. =D

    "While shuffling behind her parents, she sighed next to the fire place, which lit."
    1- HOLY COW! That' A bit scary, but way cool, too!
    2 - fireplace, not fire place

    Oh, she has a brother. Cool. I know Cornelia's sister is what Elyon is, except for

    Earth instead of Kandrakar. Is Taranee's brother (or Irma's) anything special?

    "...Yan saw the blood red, upside down triangle that didn't connect in the left

    corner that was the symbol for fire."
    blood-red, upside-down
    I know you didn't invent these symbols, but they're still cool, and you describe

    them cool. In a cool way, I mean.
    Omg, I sound dain-bramaged.
    "You describe them cool." Jeez.
    Bad grammar aside!

    T'is true. <3

    It's funny that Taranee's last name is Cook. Teehee.

    Quintessence is like, the coolest word EVER!!!
    For shiz.

    I'm sorry, I'm trying to be rational.
    I almost wrote "ration."
    Anywho, rational. Yes. I'm rational.

    SO I WILL DIE!!!!

    Okay, I think I got that out of my system now.
    See? All fine. =)
    Except I need the next chapter, upon pain of death. Mine, not yours. It will be

    terrible. And may involve hotdogs. Save me, Lorien! SAVE ME!!

    I feel like one of those sharks lunging out of the water that supposedly yell "HUG

    ME!!" Except without the teeth.