Thursday, August 1, 2013

W.i.t.c.h. The Full Story: Part I Chapter 2 - Will

Hey Guys!!!

So I've been working on my fanfic some more. Wow, I've forgotten so much!!! But just by finishing episode 4, I've already got more ideas flowing!!! So nice to be able to work!!!

Anywho, Part I is what's called "It Begins", not the chapter. Chapter 1 is Aldarn. I'll fix that right now!!!

And onto Part I Chapter 2!!!

Chapter 2
Will - Heatherfield, Earth

Will blew her blood red hair out of her face and glared at her mother. But Susan Vandom was busy gabbing away to the office secretary. The forty-year-old, raven-haired beauty had the uncanny ability to make friends with almost anyone she met, and could easily turn any situation to her advantage, something her daughter had never mastered. It was annoying to watch it in action, especially at her new middle school.

"Stop it, it’ll be different this time," she muttered. "No one here even knows you can read minds!"

The encouraging thought made her smile. But it faded when she sensed a student wondering about what she’d said. She glanced behind her to see an African-American girl about her age sitting in the pink chairs that adorned the front office. Will’s heart started pounding while her body went ice cold. Confusion wasn’t good. Not good at all. It led to questions that Will couldn’t answer, making stupid people to jumped to the wrong conclusions. Which equaled the death of Will’s reputation. Before it was even born.

Will silently cursed herself over and over again while staring resolutely at the back of her mom’s designer boots. She couldn’t believe that she’d actually said that out loud! But all the mental voices around her made hard to think without speaking aloud…

Just when her panic began to overwhelm her, her mother’s voice quieted the now roaring voices in her mind.

"Will, they’re ready for us, honey."

Will sighed and started to follow her mom, still eyeing the floor. But her mother’s hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"It’ll be alright, sweetheart," her mom assured her. "No one’s going to hurt you here. I won’t let them."

Will’s brown eyes dropped from her mom’s. She’d heard that before and had still come home covered in bruises.

Susan Vandom sighed and rubbed her thirteen-year-old’s back. Will just pulled on her pink hoodie and followed the secretary into an office where she slumped into a chair and focused on her purple jeans, red sweater and black sneakers. Both the secretary and councilor were in skirt suits and heels, and Ms. Vandom had also worn a skirt and blazer, making Will feel very underdressed. She racked her brain, trying to remember what the girl had been wearing, but she’d focused on the thoughts in her head, not her apparel. She hoped that the school was super strict about dress code, or worse: have uniforms. The very thought had her shuddering.

The councilor that handled Will’s papers was a plump woman with curly, white hair piled on top of her head like an ivory tower. As Ms. Vandom took the seat beside Will, the woman smiled at them. Will immediately didn’t like her. Not the way those green eyes didn’t match the slick smile.

"Hello, Wilhelmina, Ms. Vandom," the woman said.

"It’s Will," Will corrected.

The woman ignored her. "My name is Principal Knickerbocker."

"You’re the principal?" Will blurted. "Why the heck at you doing this job?"

She would’ve also asked where the corny name came from, but she could already feel her mother’s glare. A history of distrusting authority figures hung over Will’s head, and her mom wasn’t going to spend another school year going to the school for meeting after meeting. Will heard the frustration in her mom’s inner monologue. And insulting the principal of her new school—a private institute none the less—would be the worst way to start the year off.

"Yes, I am," the woman replied, her tone matching her mental disapproval. "Our councilor is out sick with the stomach flu, and won’t return until he has fully recovered. Until then I will take on some of his responsibilities."

"How long do you think he’ll be gone?" Will’s mother asked, a little skeptical.

"Oh not for very long, a few more days at the most," Knickerbocker smoothly replied, that same smile still plastered to her face.

"Okay," Susan said, still sounding uncertain. Will knew that tone—her mother didn‘t trust the school.

"Now, Wilhelmina," Mrs. Knickerbocker said, her bright smile trying, and failing, to impress the fourteen-year-old, "how much do you know about Sheffield Institution?"

"That the name sounds like a prison," Will muttered. "And again," she said at regular volume, "I go by Will."

The phony smile started to crack a little as the principal tried not to show her fraying patience. Will’s mom openly glared, but her mind showed that she was really trying not to laugh.

Knickerbocker cleared her throat and went on. "Well, its history is quite the opposite. This school has existed since 1878 as a school for ladies to…"

Will zoned out while staring just past the principal and out a window. She’d heard the lecture in Knickerbocker’s mind before she’d commented on the name. It was an old school rich steeped in tradition and had a history alumni becoming first ladies, judges, political leaders and even a few Hollywood actresses. The grades ranged from eighth grade to twelfth grade. Eighth and ninth graders had to wear uniforms while the upper classmen didn’t have to. Many of the students here had known each other for years and years, staying in their little circles. Will doubted she’d make friends here, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to.

"Do you have any questions?" Mrs. Knickerbocker asked right on time. If Will had wanted to annoy her, she’d mouthed along, but that would infuriate her mom, so she did it mentally.

"Yes," Susan replied.

Will tried not to groan as her mom asked question after question, mostly about money. Everything was about money with her mom. She’d been pretending that nothing was wrong and that they’d had just as much before the long divorce, but Will knew better. Things were tight. So she just laid her head back and stared at the ceiling while her mom haggled over every little detail. When she sighed again, her mom elbowed her.

"Stop it," her mom hissed in her ear, and then smiled at Mrs. Knickerbocker.

"Alright then," the principal said, "how about—"

"We choose my class schedule?" Will finished. "Finally?"

"Wilhelmina Mary Vandom."

Will grimaced. She could hear her mother’s anger reflected in her voice.

"Outside. Now."

Will followed her into the empty hall. She knew exactly what was going to happen. She always did. Her mom thought out everything she said. Each word was carefully chosen to get her point across. Meaning that Will knew every word that her mom was going to say before she said it. Susan didn’t care. It always sounded more to the point, and louder, when said out loud.

"This attitude of yours is getting very old very quickly!" She growled. Yeah. Definitely louder. "We sacrificed a lot to get you into this school, and you are not going to mess this up with your cynicism!"

"She’s a phony," Will explained.

"She’s trying to be nice!" Susan yelled, waving her arms around in frustration. It would’ve definitely been amusing, if Will hadn’t been in trouble. "So she has a fake smile on, so what? Maybe she had a terrible morning and is trying to forget about it. Your negativity certainly isn’t helping!"

Will glared at the closed door. "Mrs. Pinkle had that same smile when she told dad to put me in Palo Verde."

Susan froze, her anger fading. Mrs. Pinkle had been the vice-principal at Will’s middle school in Tucson Arizona. That woman had made it personal mission to keep Will under her boot. That had been the last straw in the already strained relationship between Will’s parents. Susan got a divorce, and they’d moved to the small coastal city of Heatherfield, California.

"Will, this isn’t Quail Brook," Susan said gently.

"I know, but—" Will said.

"But it still feels the same?"

Will looked into her mom’s amber eyes, then back down to the floor.

"Will," she touched her daughter’s shoulder, and made Will look at her, "this is a new beginning, a new place. These are different people. They’re not going to attack you, or lock you up over some—nonsense. But they will if you keep up the commentary. Please," she begged as she stroked Will’s cheek, "give this place a chance?" Will looked back at the stupid maroon carpet. "If it turns out to be just as bad, I’ll think of home school. Okay?"

"Okay," Will softly replied.

The two of them hugged, and then went back in the office.

Well, Will told herself, time to try to make a new beginning.


  1. And I stopped looking at random stuff on Pinterest because you have a chapter for me and I wants it, precioussss, I wantssssss it! WANTS!!!

    As opposed to "do not want," which is Chinese and Vaderish. Anywho, onward! Ever onward! To read the awesomeness of WITCH! I want to sing these words but have no viable tune! Lalalalala!

    Ahem. Yay for episode 4 and more ideas!

    "It Begins" is epic, btw. EPIC!

    Is there really a place called Heatherfield? Because that is like, cool. So cool. I'd love to see a place called Heatherfield, especially if it had fields of heather there. I've always wanted to smell real heather.

    And I'm rabbling. Rambling. I know what I meant. You know what I meant. Back to work. Yeah. Cuz everyone knows I'm trouble, trouble, trouble (the song is playing). Here we go with Will! I always thought it was so clever how they're called WITCH because of their names. So neat.

    "Will blew her blood red hair out of her face and glared at her mother."

    Hah! Kudos for using the word "gabbing." Love it.

    Her mom (I almost wrote moth, because I'm special like that) seems like one of those people people who can make anyone love her. I wish I could do that...

    "It was annoying to watch in action..."
    I dunno why, but I love how you said this. I'm glad you used the phrase "in action." I dunno, I just do.

    "Stop it, it'll be different this time," she muttered. "No one here even knows you can read minds."
    I would say "she muttered to herself" to make it obvious she's not talking to her mom
    "No one" would sound more teenagerish as "Nobody"

    Wait...she can READ MINDS?!?!?!

    "The encouraging thought made her smile. But it faded when she sensed a student..."
    change the period to a comma

    oh, that has got to be frustrating and a bit freaky, hearing people's thoughts

    OOH! OOH! Is that Taranee!?!? That is such a cool name, btw. But is that Taranee!?! Excitement...

    Ew, the chairs are pink. I'm imagining like, pepto-bismol-pink. Blech.

    Oh, yep, she's freaking out a bit about people wondering about her and jumping to conclusions. Poor thing. Can you imagine? I mean, you kinda see how difficult that can be for kids in X-Men, and a lot of them have some sort of support system with the school or the professor coming to see them and help them deal, but she's got nobody. Poor girl.

    "It led to questions that Will couldn't answer, making stupid people to jumped to the wrong conclusions."
    making stupid people JUMP to the wrong conclusions

    "Which equaled the death of Will's reputation. Before it was even born."
    I'd make this one sentence. It's still got that staccato teen rhythm, but it's not super-choppy.
    I also like how you worded this, though! =)

    "But all the mental voices around her made hard to think without speaking aloud..."
    made IT hard to think...
    That's actually a really interesting detail. I like it. Yeah, I actually pray aloud almost every time when I say my prayers for the same reason - so I can follow my thoughts and translate them into actualy praying. And even then, sometimes I have trouble. ADD for the win, lol.

    I like that her mom supports her. Love the mom. =) Unfortunately, the mom can't be everywhere at once. =(

    The girl needs power clothes. I have them...had them when I was in high school, for difficult school meetings. Clothes that made me feel a little more confident about myself. At the time, I called them my "F*** You" clothes.

  2. "She racked her brain, trying to remember what the girl had been wearing, but she'd focused on the thoughts in her head, not her apparel."
    she'd BEEN focused on the thoughts
    totally a teen thing, tho. Basically, "What about thing B? I don't remember, I was thinking about thing A! Crap!"

    "She hoped that the school was super strict about dress code, or worse: have uniforms."
    the school WASN'T super strict about dress code, or worse, HAD uniforms.

    "The very thought had her shuddering."
    ME TOO!

    Funny side note: when my dad and I were playing Catchphrase with my mom and Karl at one point, me and him against Karl and my mom, with my sister there watching, and I think Blake and Michelle, my dad got the phrase "school uniform," and so his clue was, "educational dress code that makes you snarl." And I growled, "school uniform," and he laughed and was like, "Look at her snarling."

    "The councilor that handled Will's papers was a pump woman with curly, white hair piled on top of her head like an ivory tower."
    It's "counselor," not "councilor"
    I like her hair. She reminds me a bit of my grandma.
    And kudos for using the "ivory tower" figurative language.

    Knickerbocker. Sounds like a candy. Or a shoe brand.
    Oooh, she's ignoring Will's request to be known as Will. I don't like that. Don't change it, but that would be one of those things that would've irked me so bad as a kid.

    "You're the principal?" Will blurted. "Why the heck are you doing this job?"
    Tact, Will! Tact!

    OMG it's a private school. I am afraid for her. *runs to get padding* Here, take this armor! And maybe some Mace.

    "Our concilor is out sick with the stomach flu, and won't return..."
    I double-checked - a councilor is a member of a council, a counselor is someone who gives guidance and counsel
    OOOOH! The stomach flu? Poor guy. I remember when Mr. Tonk had the stomach flu our senior year...yeesh...

    I don't know why, but I like that Will mentally refers to Mrs. Knickerbocker just by her last name. I dunno, it's one of those things that really sets the tone of the character. It's good. I like it! <3

    Yay, her mom doesn't trust the school! She shouldn't - she's less likely to side with them automatically against Will. =)

    Sheffield does sound a bit like a prison. Or a reform school. Hmmm...and I'm reminded of how people would say Cienega looked like a prison...

    At least Will was smart enough not to just blurt out the prison comment, though. She mumbled it very quietly. Good. Low-key on the first day is good.

    You know, it must be nice knowing your mom's just glaring at you because she has to, not because she wants to. You know, since Will can read her mind, and she can tell her mom's actually trying not to laugh. Although can you imagine how difficult that could be if you're the parent? "Will, I'm really mad at you right now." "No, you're not. You think this is the awesomest thing I've ever done." "Yeah, your mother I'm supposed to disapprove. Humor me!"

    Wow, the school's been around since 1878? Holy crap. That's over 100 years.

    I love how Knickerbocker just ignores how Will is like, "And my name is Will. Just an fyi." *sigh* You know, that's the one thing I'm glad about with me - when I told my teachers my real name was Cathryn but I wanted to go by Ravyn, they didn't argue after my parents said it was okay.

    I love how Will zones out during the elucidating of the school's illustrious history. Lol. Although that must be a bit boring if you can read people's minds and know their big long presentations before they say it, but you have to listen to them anyway. Bleh.

  3. "It was an old school rich steeped in tradition and had a history alumni becoming first ladies, judges, political leaders and even a few Hollywood actresses."
    old school STEEPED in tradition and had a history OF alumni
    kudos for usage of "steeped" and "alumni"
    comma after "political leaders" - serial comma is considered more grammatically correct (boo)

    though this school is sounding pretty ritzy. I'm not sure whether to be impressed or worried.

    and they have to wear uniforms! Gah! I can feel my individuality crumbling beneath the weight of such evil...

    "If Will had wanted to annoy her, she'd mouthed along, but that..."
    she WOULD'VE mouthed along

    Mental mockery IS better, dear. Good job, Will.
    And now I'm reminded of when I was foolish and mocked my 7th grade civics teacher by mouthing along with her sort of. I did it to make my friend Matt laugh, but then she caught me. Of course, I didn't get in trouble, she just told the class I had no manners. I just shrugged and went back to my book.
    Come to think of it, I ignored that teacher a LOT just by reading...but I think she knew my parents didn't like her after that comment she made about how I couldn't believe in angels.

    Ohhhh, so that's where her dad is - out of the picture due to divorce.

    Wow, she is BORED. I'd have been bored, too. Gah, I hated money talk when I was young. I remember I used to love doing errands with my mom because I could be with my mom, but I hated it too, because we'd go to the bank and stuff, and I'd get so BORED! Just like Will. Makes her very relateable. Some adults might be like, "Ugh, she's a brat," but the majority of teen readers will TOTALLY identify.

    Ow. I hit my elbow. Tingles, man.

    OH! Her mom did the middle name thing. RUN!!
    The universal mom-sign of parental danger.

    "Each word was carefully chosen to get her point across. Meaning that Will knew every word that her mom was going to say before she said it."
    Good habit; always bad for parents to just shout out whatever their emotions tell them to, because they might say the absolute wrong thing.
    Make this one sentence combined by a comma, not a period, and take out both "that"s.
    Can you imagine though if you had to listen to the same lecture twice? That would be annoying.

    I like her mom’s attitude toward the teacher – how maybe the teacher’s having a bad day. I try to have that attitude with people when they’re grouchy with me. In this instance, she happens to be WRONG, but it’s still a good attitude to have with people.

    I bet being telepathic leaves you disillusioned very quickly…

    “Mrs. Pinkle had that same smile when she told dad to put me in Palo Verde.”
    Oh, no, she didn’t! O.o Noooo…
    Also, “dad” should be capitalized
    Mrs. Pinkle is a stupid name. Keep it. I love bad guys with stupid names. =D

    “That woman had made it personal mission to keep Will under her boot.”
    made it HER personal mission
    I like that you say “under her boot” instead of “under her thumb.” BIG difference! And an important difference, too. I like it!
    I like it, do you hear? Me like!

    Da FRACK!?!?! Why am I at the end?!?! WHY!?!?! Why would you DO that to me?!?!

    My pain. It knows no bounds. It festers in my heart like a canker sore and fills me with pestilent ooze of fangirl pain. Do you understand what I’m saying? Fangirl pain. Ooze. Festering. Geometric algorithms mean this makes sense. Pretend you’re following what I’m saying.

    Lol. I know, I’m whacked out. But I’m serious about the painful ooze. The end of this chapter hurts me. Why? Because it is the end. There is no more bounty of epicalness. It pains me deeply. Like a knife of jagged literary glass stabbing deep into my heart to carve out my words. Ouch. You hear me? Ouch. Major ouch.

  4. So when do I get more? I need my crack. If I don’t get it, I’ll end up looking like a tanner, female version of Loki in the Thor 2 trailer (because let’s face it, he looks like a strung-out crack whore with that hair). So…chapter 2? Where do I get chapter 2?