Thursday, October 2, 2014

I Hate Anxiety and Depression

I suddenly felt inspired to write this. We're coming into the holiday season, and while Halloween is normally a fun holiday, the two following can be darker, and harder to cope with. I'll post a bigger one as we get closer to the heart of the holidays, but I really wanted to share this.

This is from my Tumblr.

I hate depression. It’s a little voice on your back, hanging onto as you go through life. Sometimes it’s like it’s tired, sleeping, dormant. And then, when you least expect it, it’s there, whispering falsehoods and untruths in your ear. Whispering in your heart. It tells you, “You’ll fail. You can’t do that. You’ll never do that.”
Anxiety is the same. It clutches around your head, smaller than depression, but no less loud. See, it’s closer to your ear, so it scream or whisper, depending on its mood. And when it wakes up, often depression wakes up too, and they both talk to you, scream at you. Drag you down.
They can paralyze you, still your hands, your heart. Make your mind race, giving you a killer headache.
At their worst, they reach into your chest, and wrap their filthy hands around your heart. Their screams echo in your mind, you heart is breaking from the pressure, your head from their noise. You collapse, curling into a ball, often in your bed. At times, you want to end it. Their lies have you eyeing the knife, the gun.
But there’s something stronger than either of them, something that can still your hands, and warm your soul.
Love can break them both. You tell you that you’re not worthy of love. That no one cares. That if you disappear, no one will even cry. They’ll be relieved. The lies can tear the love out of you.
Then comes along love. It can be from a friend, a family member, a lover, a spouse. A complete stranger. And if you hold on, it’ll come. Maybe not from whom it should, but it’ll come.
It can come from me.
And it’s always come to me. I have both. I hate them both. But I can hang on.

And so can you.

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