Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Looking on the Bright Side and All that Crap

Okay, so I've been seeing on Youtube, Pinterest, Twitter, and even here on Facebook "how to make yourself happy" posts and whatnot. As someone who battles depression on almost a daily basis, I wanted to put in my two cents, since a lot of these posts look like great advice, but when you're suicidal and having to talk yourself into not doing something permanent to yourself, it's just empty words.

But, there is something small that I was advised to do years ago, that I've been doing this year since January 2nd (pretty impressive, if I do say so myself). That was this little guy:
Yes, it's a thankful journal. I don't know if I said this, but I *really* don't like journals. Sure, it records my life...but more than anything, it records my depression. I've written things down that were important, and left my journal suicidal before. Or homicidal. And I was happy and upbeat before starting anything. So unless I really, REALLY feel like writing, I don't. It just stirs up very bad emotions, and that's all it is. I don't record important events, because I'm more focused on leaving them.
So yeah, journals are a bad thing to me, not a good one.
Bu this little guy, as you can see, is 2.5 in by 4 in~. And all I do is write down five great things I'm thankful for that day. I think it records my day better than anything else, because every major event that touched me is in here, down to every blog post.
And boy, does it make even the crappiest days not seem so bad. Like yesterday and today. I seriously hurt my upper back and I'm in major pain. Can't look down for anything, all I can do is sit quietly in misery. But I *still* found five things to write down in here.
I got the idea from my Young Women's President years ago, when I was like, 17 and crazy. Never did it, not until this year. Basically, you take a small notebook you have and put on the inside cover what this thing is. Mine says:
Gratitude Journal
Each night right before you
go to bed write down at least 3
things that you are grateful for.
I crossed out 3 and wrote 5 next to it. Not because 3 wasn't enough, but because I knew that I would have to reach for 5. And I have. Many, MANY times. But in the end, I go to bed thinking about happy things.
Not that I dream happy things. Normally I have nightmares...anyway, back on topic.
This thing is super useful. And if I can find 5 things to write about when I've had super hard days and mental breakdowns an hour beforehand, sometimes been suicidal most of the day, then you can too. I don't know what's going on in your life, but if you need a lift, you should do this. Yes, it's a chore at first, yes, it's boring, yes, I am writing in this and thinking really hard when I should be sleeping. But it's worth it.
So I challenge ya'll to do this. You don't have to be open about it, you don't have to tell anyone about it. I'm not certain any of my friends or family even know about this thing. I mean, it's next to my bed, but I doubt they've looked inside. (Not sure they could read it, I mean, I wrote when I went to bed at 4 AM and had to get up at 8 AM before, so it's pretty messy).

But I think it's a brilliant way to see the bright side of things when you feel or are being told there isn't one. I mean, what's the bright side of having a strained upper back and not being able to tie my shoes without crying? Nothing, but being able to laugh with my mom about how she may have to tie my shoes like I'm in kindergarten is something to be thankful for, right?
Wishing you the best of luck
PS - my week(s) in pics will be up on Friday, along with my monthly favorites!

1 comment:

  1. How to make yourself happy posts? I'll tell you what makes me happy. WHen I was having trouble with uploading Obsidian and I wanted to kill someone, I watched the Honey Badger Video. Lol!

    Your notebook is SO CUTE!! And teeny.

    I can never keep a journal regularly. The longest I did it was for like...6 months and then I lost it. Boo.

    I'm glad your back doesn't hurt so much no more... =)

    It's good that you challenge yourself by reaching for 5 things instead of settling for 3. That's really strong of you, darling.

    I haven't looked inside your journal because it's your journal. That would be a total invasion of your privacy. If you said I could, that would be something else, but it wouldn't even occur to me to ask, because it's a journal, lol. I try not to ask nosy questions anymore, teehee.

    That's a pretty cute picture - your mom tying your shoes, lol. I offered to tie my mom's shoes cuz her back hurt, but she said no.